I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
