Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
