get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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