You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
