Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
