I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
