if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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