They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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