Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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