my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
