i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
