we need to drink 2009 down the drain
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
