New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
They have beer where we have blood.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
