I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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