After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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