i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
