Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's just like the Real World with babies
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
