Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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