Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
