No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize