Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
