Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
