like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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