Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
