I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This is the high leading the old right now
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize