How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
