he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize