Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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