i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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