So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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