Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize