Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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