I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
