where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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