legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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