Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
