dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
