I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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