she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize