im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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