Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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