oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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