I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
