He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
