So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
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