To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
