I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
