i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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