I met the friendliest cop last night
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
