So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Randomize
