so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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