ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
