My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
