I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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