i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
