My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
