I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
